Have you have ever wondered if you’re doing this life thing right? I’ve been asking myself and those around me that a lot lately and here’s what I’ve come up with:
I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. Maybe turning 30 intensified the pressures I put on myself, maybe it’s the bit of heaviness in the air as winter approaches, or maybe Ive been spending too much time on instagram looking at other peoples’ beautiful lives, but I have been feeling angsty. Angsty in the ‘what am I doing with my life’ kind of way.
I’ve learned over time that the only way to get rid of angst is to meet it head on, so I’ve been taking lots of time to step back and breathe, going for long runs in the woods with my rescue puppy, Ollie and reaching out to friends for support.
As I’ve shared my feelings with others, I’ve realized I’m far from alone. I see similar feelings reflected in everyone around me. Everyone seems to be asking themselves in one way or another, “Am I doing this life thing right? Do I bring enough to the table in this relationship? Do I have what it takes to make my vision a concrete reality? How do I use my full potential to contribute to this world and make this life extraordinary? Where do I start?”
What I’ve gathered from these conversations is that there is one underlying theme. We are all secretly asking ourselves and others “Am I enough?” Am I doing enough, achieving enough? Am I good enough? Am I moving fast enough?
We all know somewhere, deep down that the answer is, “Hell Yes. You beautiful human, you are so much more than enough.” But we forget. We get side-swiped by other people’s expectations and our own internal fears and we forget that, no matter what our lives look like to us right now, we are perfectly imperfect beings doing the best we can. And that is enough.
And so I write this as a reminder to stop for a minute and listen to that encouraging inner voice. The quiet one, the one that knows everything is ok. The one that we sometimes overlook because the fearful voice is YELLING at us trying to get our attention.
Here’s what that voice would tell you if you listened:
Right now – no matter where you are in your journey, no matter what it all looks like to you at this moment, no matter how lost you feel, no matter how much further you have to go, you are enough. If you are waking up every morning and doing the best you can with what you have, I promise you, you are enough. Just by living, breathing, smiling. You are enough.
It’s been said a million times, a million ways but life is a journey. Sometimes the road we travel will be smooth and straight, and sometimes it will be rocky, overgrown and almost impossible to follow. Every leg of the journey is a gift; if you rush through the rocky bits trying to avoid pain, you’ll only fall and get hurt. Take your time in them, and you’ll come out stronger and more capable.
We’re all travelling our own path at our own pace and the only way to get through without unnecessary struggle is to accept it all. Accept that sometimes you’ll be stuck in the mountains with only a road bike, sometimes you’ll get flat tires. Sometimes you’ll be in the front of the pack, and sometimes you’ll lag behind. Sometimes you’ll have someone to push your bike up the hill for you and sometimes you’ll have to do it all on your own. Sometimes you’ll have a map and sometimes you’ll be navigating in the dark. The goal of life isn’t to finish first, or to look the best doing it. The only goal is to dig into whatever stage of your journey you are at right now and give it your all. Without wishing you were somewhere else, or someone else, or more of anything. Just because it feels difficult sometimes does not mean you’re not capable.
Let go of the idea that you will be enough once you make that person love you, have six figures in your bank account, keep a spotless house, sculpt a perfect body or check off every item on your bucket list.
If you’re going to try to be more of anything, be more of YOU. Every project you undertake, adventure you embark on, or relationship you foster will be better the more you imbue them with your unique flavour.
If you’re in a rocky bit and struggling to see your way out of it, here are some things that always help me accept the challenges and keep moving at my own pace:
Journal: Just start writing. Be honest with yourself. Admit that you feel lost, acknowledge how uncomfortable that is, observe your inner dialogue, connect with what you do want to feel, dream big but enjoy the process.
- Breath work: I find this works best when it is not overly structured. Just play with your breath and let it invite you into your body and the present moment. If you are looking for guidance, ‘The Promise of Love, Sex, and Intimacy’ by Mark Whitwell introduces a 7-minute per day breathing and movement routine that I loosely structure my breath work around and love.
Routine: Feeling overwhelmed can snowball when we don’t hold ourselves accountable. Choose 3 things that you want to fit into your day EVERY day that will help you get to where you want to be and make them such an integral part of your routine that it’s not even an option to skip them. Have someone hold you accountable. Do this for 40 days and they will become habits.
Ask for help: Sometimes we get so lost that we need some outside perspective to remind us of the big picture. Open up to someone safe about how you are feeling- I can almost guarantee they will have been there before, or may even be experiencing something similar right now. Sharing these feelings helps build trust and security in relationships and can provide invaluable guidance.
Have you ever struggled with feeling like you were enough? What do you do to remind yourself that you are. I’d love to hear from you in the comment section below.
Life can be tough but you’re doing great.